It is disheartening how the reputation of marriage is dwindling. Social media is full of posts ridiculing this noble institution. Women, especially, don’t seem to find reason to get married anymore because of the perception of abuse and a general absence of joy in married couples. Just recently I came across a post-a picture of beautiful, independent young women celebrating divorce. I followed the comments out of curiosity. To my dismay, many women applauded them for taking back their freedom. May I hasten to say that I’m by no means passing judgement on their reactions. It just saddens me that marriage isn’t held as highly as before. What went wrong?

Marriage is founded on love. It is a beautiful love story of boy meets girl;love at first sight; knight in shining armour; Cinderella; boo_ bae; sweetheart; chocolate; until death do us part..the works. Just when does it become a burden?

In my humble opinion, marriage starts off well with the right foundation of love but it is later strained by our societal expectations. When two people first meet and fall in love, issues of whether they can cook or chop wood are immaterial. I dare any man to tell me he was attracted to a girl by his cooking or the way she cleaned the house. A typical love story starts on the road somewhere, at a meeting, in a bus, at church etc with just looks, butterflies and skipped heart beats. It has nothing to do with their ability to run a home. That is why some ladies who don’t meet our expectations as regards marriage material still get married.

The love story continues in an upward tangent until the word marriage comes into play. Then you start being told ‘you are now are man, a woman’. You are given a whole set of rules, dos and donts ( refer to my blogpost titled marriage-no facade). I agree that marriage is a huge responsibility and like anything of value, it has to be nurtured. However, it should be the sole responsibility of the lovebirds to decide how they want to steer their ship.

Some marriages experience the first strain during preparations for the wedding. Anyone who has gone through that will attest to this. To say it is overwhelming is an understatement. Families will compete on their knowledge and practice of culture to the extent that the fiancées sometimes are forced to defend their sides. Wouldn’t you agree that the first seed of discord has been sown?

All of a sudden, the two people who were lovestruck are weighed down by the title of husband and wife. They act as if they are in a duty station complete with perfomance reviews. Is he man/woman enough?The focus has shifted. This obviously spells boredom and torture.What happened to the love? A friend of mine promised to write an article titled Grow old with me honey, the worst is yet to come. Unfortunately, this is the picture of marriage based on the experiences of too many people (women to be precise) around her.

The reality is that the woman has evolved but it appears the man still holds cultural expectations dear. The same man who is modern in every aspect expects the woman he marries to conform to archaic practices. One day over lunch, after a heated conversation on relationships, I hinted to my male colleagues that they would soon run out of women to marry. As expected, they dismissed me but I have a strong feeling I was right. Women today own their choices, they want to get into marriage not to endure but to enjoy. After all, what would be the logic behind leaving a peaceful single life for a torturous marriage? In today’s busy world, peace of mind is everything.

Should marriage be a burden? NO, never, it should not. We can all make that choice. We can pursue our love story in marriage. When love is the basis there is kindness, regard for one another. Emotional and physical abuse will never thrive where there is love. Roles within marriage will not feel like duties and obligations. In a love-filled marriage people will be humane towards each other.

I’m extending an invitation to all married people to redefine this noble institution. Amen?